It’s Thanksgiving, imaginary readers! American Thanksgiving. If you thought I meant some other Thanksgiving, than you were DEAD WRONG, and I’m sorry to have misled you.

It’s also the first day of Hanukkah, but since I’m not Jewish, nor do I know any Jewish people, (Is that weird? It seems weird.) I mention it only out of courtesy to you, imaginary readers.

Happy holiday of your choosing. If you celebrate neither, then I just don’t freaking know what to do with you. I mean you gotta meet me halfway here.